Expect the Best, Prepare for the Worst

Prepare for the Worst

A Small Group Ministry Session
prepared by Sonja Lamicela, 2010

Chalice Lighting:

We light our chalice as a reminder that,

In the face of improbable odds,

Life's ember burns and glows,

A corner of warmth and awareness

amidst the coldness of space

And the indifference of time.

Check In
Topic: What do we as UUs do to prepare ourselves, each other and our children for crises?  Howard Welsh, a UU Vietnam veteran, describes his lack of preparation for the horrors of war in the book Full Circle: Fifteen Ways to Grow Lifelong UUs  by Kate Tweedie Erslev: 
"Our children suffer terribly because of their idealism when they find out what really goes on in the world.  Just as I felt when I was drafted into the U.S. military during the Viet Nam War, they feel unprepared and in a sense betrayed.  They see the UU faith as being irrelevant to their struggles in a cruel society."
On July 27, 2008 a lone shooter entered a UU church in Knoxville, TN, and opened fire during a children's play.  Two people died, several were wounded.  We as adults and our children, also experience disruption to our lives due to death, divorce, moving, bullying, and any of a thousand crises every day. Let's think about these questions: 

• 
  
  How old were you when you lost your innocence about cruelty in the world?
• 
  
  What do you as an adult do when crisis strikes? How was it different when you were a child?
• 
  
  How does your UU faith inform your response to crisis and cruelty?
• 
  
  What are the benefits of sheltering children? What are the risks?
• What are the consequences of being unprepared to face harsh realities?
• What  should we as UUs do to prepare children and ourselves to deal with the worst on a spiritual level? 

Closing Words: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain!
~author unknown

Intergenerational Worship

"Years ago, I attended with anticipation my first intergenerational service at a Unitarian Universalist church. While this congregation honored and nurtured its children in many ways, what was billed as an intergenerational service was not intergenerational at all. It was a show, professionally run, for children. It looked as though the youngsters had staged a coup d'etat.  The children, who usually spent Sundays in the religious education wing, were now up front.  Most of the congregation was absent.  The few adults who attended were primarily relatives of the children who were performing.  The underlying message was depressing:  Intergenerational means by and for children and their families only; unrealated adults will be bored and should stay at home."  From When Youth Lead by Jill M. Schwendeman

I'd love to see intergenerational services always contain a roots and wings dialog of sorts.  As the readings, one would be done by a child or youth, another by an elderly adult (not just a parent or advisor) both on the same topic.  Thus creating a mini "fishbowl" on the issue at hand.  Each generation I think would be enriched by hearing from the other, and perhaps challenged to speak the other as well.  And there would be more incentive for people without children to stay for the service.

For those of you reading, what are some highlights of intergenerational services that you have been at?  What experiences have really worked to build connection, understanding and a shared sense of the holy in intergenerational worship?

UU Principles and Giving

This is a newsletter article I have developed for use at canvass time.

The UU Principles and Giving
Sonja Lamicela, DRE

Because we acknowledge the inherent worth and dignity of every person, we want to help people. Giving to charities that empower people to rise up from indignity and become strong is one way that we can do this. Working for marriage rights or to defeat hunger and homelessness are ways that we can lift up this principle.

Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations calls us to work towards these aims as a congregation, and in our social justice work. Anti-racism, anti-oppression work is something that many UU congregations engage in to support this principle.

Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations leads us to understand that we all come from a different starting point. That perhaps there are people who cannot give at this time due to life circumstances, or have not come to terms with generosity as a spiritual practice. We need to think first of our own commitment to giving, and let others come along as they are ready.

A free and responsible search for truth and meaning challenges us to search our hearts for what deserves our support and generosity. While giving to the Heifer Foundation may be meaningful to someone who want to empower families to be self supporting, another person may be moved to find an alternative organization because they do not support agricultural use of animals for food. These decisions both have virtue, based on individual spiritual values.

The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and society at large come into play when as a congregation we set our budget and decide upon our shared values about the use of our collective time, talents and treasures. What will we stand for and for what issues will we “put our money where our mouth is.”

The goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all challenges us to step up and address issues that are larger than ourselves. You may have heard those who support the military using the phrase “freedom isn't free” or seen the buttons extolling “ignore your rights and they will go away.” In order to create a world in which all of these things are possible, we need to be mindful and support others who can make it their full time job to be mindful of these goals. Organizations like Amnesty International, the Peace Corp and the Coalition to Save Darfur, need financial support to continue their missions.

Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part is something that we can actually support by spending less. Fewer trips to the mall means less gas spent. Goods and services need to be manufactured and shipped to our neighborhoods, consuming more of our planet's resources. In other ways supporting organizations that protect our natural resources, prevent pollution, and work to reduce our impact on the planet are all good causes that we can support.

While the ways in which we express our generosity and the resources we have available to us are varied, our children learn from what they see us do. The way we support our church shows our children what we stand for. The justice work we do, shows our children what we feel is important. The meetings that we attend tell our children what it is worth spending time on. And issues we fail to raise tell our children what is not really important to us. Let us act mindfully in making these decisions, knowing that the next generation is watching.

Our Children's Experience

Jacqui James discusses the importance that we commit to raising our children and youth to become Unitarian Universalists in adulthood. "My children, now grown, reflect on the love and acceptance they felt from most of the congregation in which they grew up. They remember fondly the teachers who cared enough to show up week after week and treat them with respect and acceptance. They don't always remember what the content of the lessons was, but they certainly remember the character and caring of the poeple around them. All of our children and youth deserve nothing less." This is from her essay "Building Strong and Radical Religious Communities" in Essex Conversations.

I'm not sure that this quote captures the essence of her overall point with the essay, but it is the point that stopped me, and made me reread it, and enjoy the clarity with which she expressed this important principle, one which I have embraced since the beginning of my religious education career.

I read Essex conversations at the beginning of my career 3 years ago, so it may well have been this very quote that instilled this belief into me. At teacher trainings, I always go over the UU principles and briefly discuss how they inform us as teachers. For the first principle, it is always this: That no matter what story we tell, or what social justice project we do, if our children do not walk away having experienced that we recognize their inherent worth and dignity, we have failed. And on the contrary, if the lesson plan falls apart, or the project is too demanding, but the child walks away knowing that we honor them, the day is a success.

And, not to fall into the trap of raising self centered children, it is also a part of a successful day if our children, when faced with interpersonal challenges, leave learning to respect the inherent worth and dignity of other children in their class, and members of the congregation and the community at large. They get this best when it is modeled by the adult guides in their class and community.

Hope Not Optimism

In the meditation collection "What We Share" edited by Patricia Frevert, Bruce T. Marshall challenges us to have hope rather than optimism. He describes the difference as follows:

"Optimism, as I understand it, is an attitude of expectaaion that a prticular result will occur - that a person will recover from an illness, that we will achieve a specific goal, that the Publishers Clearing House will pick my nunmber from among the billions submitted. The dictionary defines optimism as "an inclination to anticipate the best possible outcome."
Hope is less specific. It's an attitude that looks for possiblitilty in whatever life deals us. Hope does not anticipate a particular outcome, but keeps before us the possibility that something useful will come from this."

I found this a helpful distinction. It provides an alternative to pessimism and negativity when things aren't going well. I begin to understand the positive pessimists that I have known. It always seemed like an oxymorn that someone would try when they expected to fail. But, i see now that they didn't have expectations, but they still had hope.